Warning! Deadly new Virus Alert

Government virus warning!

*** VIRUS ALERT *** "The "Government Virus" has been found to be spreading. Courtesy of a conservative think tank, I interrupt this Blog to bring you a warning. You may think that losing your job, your home, running out of unemployment, and losing your health care are bad things. If you think these things are bad. You are at risk! You may already be a carrier! You need tax cuts!

The virus starts slowly. You start to feel a need to eat every day. You see your kids pants cuffs six inches above their ankles and your grow sad for no reason. Living in your car doesn't feel good any longer. During the final stages you have insatiable cravings to own a home and have a job. The virus has started.

There is only one way to stop the infection. Tax Cuts! Don’t ask for any services from Government. This is how the virus spreads. Whenever possible avoid government immediately. Do not complain about a closed motor vehicle office. Don’t worry about not having State cops or elevator inspectors! Do not complain to your legislators about a lack of service! Learn self control.

Opening the door to the government virus will erase every penny from your wallet, drain your kids college fund and empty your change jar.

Asking for services from the State will reprogram the stripes on your credit and ATM cards, and make deposits to State programs that you don’t support like education even if you don’t have kids. Asking for government services on the web will let the government use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play and erase your hard drive.

Contact with government will turn off your refrigerator so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles, while doubling your electricity bill..
It will program your phone to text the Democratic National Committee with automatic donations.

Government will mix antifreeze into your fish tank and have the DEP fine you for throwing out the dead fish. Government will tax and then drink all your beer.
Government will leave Planned Parenthood booklets on the coffee table when you are expecting company.

Government will allow gays to have special rights which will immediately cause you to get a divorce, beat your spouse, give up on God and hate your kids.

Government will grow your ear hair into a pony tail.
Government will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while sending your current boy/girlfriend pictures of any other “friends” you might have along with copies of your hotel bills.
Government changes all the pre-set buttons on your radio to NPR.

Government will give you diseases you can’t spell to sell you government health care. You could be break out in ugly "rationality" spots before you know it.
Government will send copies of your internet browsing history to your wife or husband and your employer….. With pictures.

If Government is not stopped it will it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in next to a full bathtub. Government will let the dog onto the couch.

Government will replace your instant coffee with Latte mix.
Government will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam. It will replace all your Email with Spam.

It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like Bill Clinton on a hot day, near an intern. All of your internet favorites will be changed to left wing Blogs.

An experimental cure is being tried but it is too early to judge the results. Some people are taking all their money, finding an unlocked Mercedes and stuffing all the cash in the car as a last ditch effort. Maybe there is hope.

The Government virus is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of blue.

These are just a few signs of infection.

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